I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
