Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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