We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
