How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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