Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
