I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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