so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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