Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
