By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
