One girl and one boy is just not enough.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
