Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
