when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
zippers are such a cool invention
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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