dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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