super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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