so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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