Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
