dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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