If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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