I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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