We named our party play list daddy issues
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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