I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
