It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
