I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
