Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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