I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
