i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
