i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize