you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
