I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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