Non-Jews are for practice
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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