If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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