apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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