I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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