hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
