He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
