i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize