i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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