dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The Olympian is in my bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
