i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I cockslap morals
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
