I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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