He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
