Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
