we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
