You really coming over, don't trick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
