You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
