hotel room ftw
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My life is pants optional.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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