They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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