we're blogging at a bar
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Randomize
