College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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