He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Everything about him screamed your future.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
