My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
