im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
