At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize