omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
