and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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