So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
