Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
