I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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