We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He kissed a someone with a penis
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
