I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
