The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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