Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
