I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
