everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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