Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
