Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
